The Many Idiosyncrasies of my Husband- Part 1

Marriage is a continuous process of revelation and realisation. In the six months since I got married, I have discovered many things about the man I have married. For one, he rejoices in any humour deriving from the basic metabolic functions of the body. Give him a joke with enough, how shall I put it, 'pee and crap' in it, and the man is unable to contain his laughter. Mix with this a few references to certain parts of the anatomy, and he is well past the road to recovery.

For another, what he loves to do most every morning, or at least every Saturday and Sunday morning, is to rush to the kitchen, and start cutting onions, a suggestion of mania in every action. Now, any normal human being would get up, have a cup of tea or coffee, watch the morning news. But nothing like a good onion to start off the day for my husband. These onions will then suffice the entire day, for every curry that he makes, and if, in his enthusiasm, he has cut more than he needs, he will eat the onions himself, in watery, passionate joy. He mixes it with anything. I truly believe, if given a chance, he'd garnish his tea with it.

And for a third, and the last for today, he loves to go grocery shopping. Now that may seem like a harmless enough task, but if you saw the mad gleam in his eyes, as he weighs the benefits of one cauliflower against another, you would not be willing to belive in his harmlessness so easily. There is no greater joy for him than to arrive home laden with bags containing things of all descriptions (and what a day it is if he gets something free!!) and to stock our little fridge with it. That is an activity, no, that is an event. This extremely exacting work can be performed only by him, with all the skill and precision of a surgeon, and all the pomp and pageantry of Republic Day. A strict silence is observed by all the other parties in the house, in accordance with the solemnity of the spectacle.

Part 2 is tomorrow. Hold your breaths. We will talk about the Almighty Burp and other such astounding phenomena.